I think it's worth thinking about whether or not your anxieties about being in a position of leadership are legitimate. D&D is a pretty fucked up system that's based on essentializing women, imperialism and overt racism. I know that many other tabletop games are similarly structured. Its mechanically set up so that someone, usually a man and usually white, is actively constructing a part of that world. That means that GMs are complicit in it, both to the extent that they choose the world and that they construct new encounters. It's pretty fucked. I would understand if a person with your identities and experiences had some trouble with it.

There are more just, equitable and fun ways to dream with folks. I'd look into tabletop games that are structured in line with your values and style of communication & see if that changes things. (I'm speaking with no knowledge of F!S RP and some knowledge of tabletop gaming.) That might help with the whole being-solely-responsible, center-of-attention kind of social anxiety that I see in your post. Maybe there are also more decentralized, less oppressive forms of leadership you can take on in tabletop gaming?

love you bunches,
Michelle