Adventures in the Inferno

This morning, I awoke to realize my glasses had come off in my sleep. After a half hour of frantically searching and attempting to put in my contacts,--which I haven't worn in years--I discovered that they had fallen between the bed and the wall. However, I also discovered much more--Lovecraftian horrors I would have preferred to leave untouched by the light of day. One of the room's previous tenants had left a couple pairs of panties, two vibrators(one of which was in between the mattresses of my bed), a bottle of lube, and a pile of empty condom wrappers and used condoms underneath the bed. My reaction was one of germophobic revulsion coated with a lacquer of intense amusement. Fortunately, I'd woken up a couple hours before I needed to meet with the professor of the class I was trying to get into via drop/add, so I moved the bed and some adjacent furniture and channeled my inner Mark Summers.

After classes, I got ahold of the previous tenant who I suspected was the owner/significant other of the owner of the items in question. Everything except a couple of the panties belonged to his girlfriend (now in graduate school in a different state).