Roleplaying

[mechanosapience]

I spent the last hour and a half role-playing a scenario in a D&D campaign that my girlfriend has been trying to run for the past several years. I have a doctor's appointment in less than four hours. Believe it or not, I'm not being totally irresponsible since I was asleep until 8pm yesterday trying to sleep off a migraine(I had the day off anyway), so I've been up for less than 12 hours. In any case, this kind of makes me want to play in a tabletop RPG. I should clearly try to revive the F!S RP group that kind of imploded from lack of GMs. Hell, I may even be finding the wherewithal to GM myself.

I've GMed before. I just haven't in a while due to mental health issues, and I've gotten really rusty; like to the point of no longer being able to write games. Also, anxiety over GMing/being in a position of authority/responsibility more generally. Still, running something online and making liberal use of pre-published adventures might make things possible. Maybe once I'm done with this pharmacy technician course...

Comments

[elaminator]

I know nothing about D&D tbh, but...there was a F!S RP group? I totally missed that, heh.

Hope the doctors appointment went well! (Migraines are the worst. :(

And I think feeling responsible for anything, even if it's something like an online RP, can be daunting if you aren't in the right mental state. I understand.

Good luck on your pharmacy course! Maybe you'll feel more inspired after you get through with that.

[fuckformalities]

I think it's worth thinking about whether or not your anxieties about being in a position of leadership are legitimate. D&D is a pretty fucked up system that's based on essentializing women, imperialism and overt racism. I know that many other tabletop games are similarly structured. Its mechanically set up so that someone, usually a man and usually white, is actively constructing a part of that world. That means that GMs are complicit in it, both to the extent that they choose the world and that they construct new encounters. It's pretty fucked. I would understand if a person with your identities and experiences had some trouble with it.

There are more just, equitable and fun ways to dream with folks. I'd look into tabletop games that are structured in line with your values and style of communication & see if that changes things. (I'm speaking with no knowledge of F!S RP and some knowledge of tabletop gaming.) That might help with the whole being-solely-responsible, center-of-attention kind of social anxiety that I see in your post. Maybe there are also more decentralized, less oppressive forms of leadership you can take on in tabletop gaming?

love you bunches,
Michelle