Well I am Devil's Advocate...

[mechanosapience]

This is a newsletter that St. Mary's church in Colorado Springs sent out this week:

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

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Add your Name to see how many apply to you -- there are a total of 37 "warning signs"

1. twiZtidlunaTic420 ~ 33
2. Lissa ~ 29
3. josh - 31
4. Jamie - 19
5. *Ashley* ~ 25
6. Alex - 27
7. joss - 31
7. Cortney - 28
8. Angela.. 27, oh look me and cortney = wayy BFF. I especially LOVE count CHOCULA cereal, that shit rocks.
9. Maggie - 19
10. Kendall - 15 I like Count Chocula cereal, what can I say!
11. Ernie - Um...six. Haha.
12. Juggatussin/Smokey/Dan - I Gave Up On Counting After The Complains Of Boredom Thing... Apparently whoever typed this was a goth because typing this had to be out of sheer boredom.
13. Mikki - 16? i lost count...
14. jeff- i completely lost coutn after it started to make no sense, whoever wrote this must suffer from mania, prettymuch what it says is if your not a church freak and if you eat count chocula then your a devil worshipper. and that if your sad and bored and have no freinds your a bad person.
15. Kyra- 23 but im not sure cause it was kinda hard to keep count while poeple keep trying to talk to you..
16. William-24 Whoever wrote this has some serious issues to work out. We're teenagers for godsakes.We're gonna be disrespectful and try things. retarded extremists.
17. Adam- 30...Dude wen does masturbation and goin on the computer make u a goth?
18. Brian-11- this is the most narrow minded test EVER. my dad got 12 and my sis got 27. so were a goth family :)
19. Nicky-17-oh dang, what now. Except I'm not so guess this doesn't work to well .
20.mark-13-damn im a goth kid haha this is so fucking retarded screw who ever wrote this they can go to hell i hate people like that
21. Poison - Is it bad if almost all of them hahahahah FUCK THE CHURCH FUCK THEM TOO HELLL!!!!!!!!!!!!
22. Pervy- 21... Wow.. lol
22. Regina :: 32...hmmm
23.Sara~33(hahaha)
24.Devon~35
25. Erica-19- haha loved the count dracula cereal thing... where did they get that from???.. Blade trinity??? jeez SOMEONE has been watching to much tv..... fucking bullshit... in case you havent noticed there are other groups out there besides goths who "dance in a sexual manner" "does drugs and/or alcohol"
and of course" plays vidoe games tha contain violence, and watch cable television" FAGS!!!! jeez!!! why arent you ragging on them???
26.Andria-22--lmao ne body these days would have more then 5 of these..come on..they're like.. complains of bordem? wtf
27. renee -- 17-- ..........ok.....now what? and anyways, not only goth masturbate...not..that i...nvm.leame alone!.
28. Lisa- 23 (fuck this. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY SAYING THAT CUTTING OR BURNING IS GOTH?! FUCK THEM!!!!)
29. Jonny 23 - i guess i'm anti-st mary's then...
30 [cheryl]-[39...haha FUCK THEM]-[by the way, not too many apply to me...only about 15?]
31 - [STARSIE] - 9 - shitheads and loners are goffik.
32.Hannah-12 OH my it cant be
33. Lily - 25. oh my im a goth!! =0 hit me with a bible..
34.ema.. 30.. hahaha am i really that gothic!?.. HAHA!
35.amy- 21......wow, thats actually more than i expected.....hahahahahaha i hate god
36. 36 woo arent i teh rebbel
37. kayleigh - 36 ummm..... this speaks shit!
38. Alyssa- 35. Im a sinner...mmmkay
39. Rachel- 23.....lmfao.
40. claire ;; 25. lmao. the church down the street from me sent this out to everyone in their parish(which im not apart of..?)
41. zuli ---> 26!
42. Jacky-------->>>>>Holy crap 35!!!!!!!!!!!! lol look at me i like "goth" cereal!!lol
43. ^phil^32, o man im sooo goth,, this is the fuckin stupidest thing ive ever read, wach tv? use the computer? masterbates? wants 2 hang out without their parents being there?? most of these r how a normal teen feels and they dont realize that being goth isnt how u dress and shit,its a state of mind,, im not goth but i understand how it works and these stupid fuckin extreemists, i hate those fuckin ppl
44.Theresa-28... Oh I am so terribly goth I am going to eat your Children... Eh I already knew I was going to hell for being an evil lil witch (or so I have been told)... might as well make it worth it!!!
45.Nick 28. That bit about Buddhism makes sense, cuz everyone knows Buddhism has EVERYTHING to do with satanism.

Comments

[goblin-11.livejournal.com]

I've seen it before, and dude, is it precious. :D

Since when is "philosophy" a religion? What about the good ol' St. Thomas Aquinas?

Hey! St. Thomas Aquinas was a goth! Now, that makes perrrfect sense. :D