Feb. 20th, 2009

mechanosapience: (Default)
I never thought this would be so difficult. Actually, no, I did. I'm just fully grasping now. My icon is all too appropriate. Oh God, please make me a stone! What I wouldn't give for that, and yet my problems, or at least one of them, is the result of my desire to be free of emotions. As that is impossible, repression is what I end up with. I'm like a vulcan, only I add the extra layer of normalcy over the attempt at repressing emotion. Unlike vulcans, we humans consider repressing our emotions to be extremely unhealthy. I keep trying to drown it out with distractions; work, socializing, chemical aid. I need to talk to someone about this, but I need to process things into a metabolically inactive form. Aiai, not so simple. I really ought to get to sleep... I need sleep, but it is the last thing I want. I can never sleep if I have something on my mind. Just lying, trying to empty one's thought is extremely difficult when one's mind adamantly refuses to be still. So here I am, fucking about on the internet and watching Andromeda until I get sleepy enough that my mind is no longer an issue.

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Mechanosapience

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